It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
