If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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