This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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