so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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