Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
