He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
