I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
