we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
