i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
