I must be too annoying 4 u.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
True college students do jello shots in the library
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