She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
