you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
