apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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