super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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