who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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