I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
this is an emotional support booty call
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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