margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
