woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she told me i tasted like america
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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