When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
