I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
