whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
