My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to have your abortion
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
