I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
