So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
