My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
