Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
