Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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