So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
