You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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