turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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