Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
