This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The ass gains better be worth it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
