After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
