i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
