a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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