mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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