I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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