I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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