Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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