he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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