I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
