I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
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