Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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