Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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