Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
