too bad you live with your parents still
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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