Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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