I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
