Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
