can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
