Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
