the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
